Just a thought….

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As a child, I often wondered why my mom would keep her old clothes and raggedy shoes for the longest of times. She would buy my brother and I new items at any given time and would make sure we looked our best… So we could, “fit in, not be labelled as the ‘scruffy looking kids’ or feel inferior to our friends because our clothes were tattered.” This was always her justification for neglecting herself and her needs.

I remember commenting, on numerous occasions, “Mama, you really need to get yourself new shoes.” And she’d reply, “I will baby, as soon as I’m sure you and brother have everything you need.” 

That statement caused some mind entanglement at times, because as far as I was concerned, my brother and I had all we needed… Our mom was around, she cooked for us every day, we had lights at home, lunch for school and pocket money, we had TV, toys and junk food more often than most families.

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My emotions have gotten the better of me. I cannot, without reducing myself to tears, think of the many sacrifices my mother has made, and continues to make for me. Especially me!

After dropping out of Law School, instead of disowning me, she stood by me until I knew what I wanted to do with my life. And she was there when I got into the Walter Sisulu School of Media Studies in search of a career in journalism. She was there when I fell pregnant during my first year. She was there for me and my daughter when I had to leave her with a 27 day old infant, because she wanted me to complete my studies, to chase my dreams, to become what I knew I needed to become.

She has sacrificed her own happiness so I could pursue my own, and still she is raising my child as I venture out into the world, as migrant worker in my own land, so I can provide for her and my child.

I never understood how hard it was to be a mother until I had my. no, our baby. 

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I was lucky enough to go home for Christmas, and I was blessed because for the first time in my life I could afford to buy our baby clothes, toys, and even have enough saved up for her school fees when she starts Grade R next year. 

And while watching our baby play with her new toys, I said to my mum, “I think i’ll have to give some extra cash… Baby needs new sneakers.” And to my mama replied, “What for?… Won’t you come off short for your monthly budget?”

“Yes I will but…”

“But nothing, my daughter will not go wanting, and neither will my grandchild. I can buy baby new sneakers. You need new sneakers more than she does,” she said as pointed to my very old and worn Loxion Kulca high tops.

We shared a glance, a half smile and a wink in agreement.

It is a mothers selfless love that makes her give up her own happiness… for her cub. And I’m still her cub, a very blessed cub.

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My father came for a visit the day I left home for Joburg. I last saw him about two years back, at my graduation party. He stayed for about 15 minutes. I think that’s the standard time period he can stomach seeing his two grown kids who he only actually parented for about 15% of their still growing lives. Seeing him was… Okay, i guess. I cant really say I know the guy, or that I love him. I do know the guy he was when I was 5, and I love that guy, or at least I love the memories I have of him. 

Seeing him always makes me love my mama more, because I know she chose to stay… She chose to love us, she chose to take care of us, and she chooses to. Yup, more than gifts or birth of Christ, Christmas is about mothers. Ya sure and rest of the family, but it most definitely is about mothers. Image

 

 

 

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