Seasons change – the condition of life

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This was taken in Somerset East, the Eastern Cape in the month of June, while I was on location for a little film called Of Good Report. I was at my lowest of lows… Another time of tragic beauty… Another of my life’s seasons.

The past few weeks of my life have been, for the lack of a better word, interesting.

It would seem that my life’s dreams, my goals, my inner most yearnings are within my sight. They no longer seem impossible. Does that make me crazy? Am I exceedingly naive? Or am I just a realist whose real, mush the saying goes, is far more stranger than fiction?

I’d like to believe so.

I live my days in this constant, sometimes forced, sense of optimism and hope for good things to come. I’m the one my friends run to for reassurance… “It’ll be okay, you just need to be patient. Don’t stop believing that what you want will come to you. But you need to work towards it too. Meet the Universe half way. And never lose your faith. The Most High will provide, He will answer you,” I always say.

I admit it. Half the time I tell people to believe, to keep on going even when a situation seems lost, I have no belief myself. I try so hard to follow my name… To be a ray of sunlight.

I want to be the fire that gives some warmth and light when matters are dark and cold. I am that light. But a small light, one very small light can do so much before it burns out. I can only believe, love so much and share of my life so much before my fire slowly fades. And it has faded over the past two years. It has, almost, gone out completely. But alas, my life force kept itself alive in the hot coal. Waiting for something, anything to come revive it.

The funny thing is, in all my waiting for this gargantuan gesture of mercy and love from the above, my salvation was being given to me in the smallest of doses. So it would be easier to accept, I imagine. If I know one thing, change is a hard thing to accept. It is best administered in small periodical doses.

The changes in my life, thus far, have been a test of my faith in a Higher Power, in self-belief and perseverance….

We’ll I’m standing, still.

Through and passed the torrents of stormy skies and raging waters, into the peace and tranquil nature of sunny and moderate weather.

When the mist clears, the mountain can be sen in its full glory. 

Now my mountain is in sight.

And dare I say, I’m far closer to its peak than I’m aware of.