Holiday normalcy

Posted on Updated on

image

Princess gifts and royal smiles.

image

Finding discontinued favorites, now populating the store shelves.

image

Family connections and moments shared.

image

Big boy toys for the eternal little boy.

image

And meme messaging that spreads the cheer.

Untitled

Posted on

“A beautiful Nubian Queen.”
A stranger called me
Light skinned – golden yellow
Ruby red rouge and curved eye lashes
Long black weave on hair and a smile like magic
And she called me
No greetings passed between us
There was no time
Walking out into the parking lot, was I
And she, talking to a friend on her cellular phone
While my eyes searched for a shaded area, where I could enjoy a smoke in my peace
The loud screech of her voice startled me
“Oh-my-gawd, chomi! I just saw a beautiful Nubian Queen. She just walked passed me.”
I stopped in my tracks, befuddled to say the least
In my shame, all I could mutter was “Thank you”
Avoiding all eye contact
Compliments like this are not new to my ears
But hers was like a miracle
It reminded me what I – today –  chose to forget
And as we went our separate ways
She, on the phone with the stranger who now knew of me
And I, under the trees, to puff a bit of calm in me
I remembered her miracle
And in turn I found true beauty in nature…

image

image

image

Butterflies and heartburn

Posted on

“I’m not sure how it is for you, but confrontations and change give me butterflies and heartburn.” I say these words in my head as you look at me with longing.

If you could tap into my being, you would know this…

When faced with the difficulty of making a decision, one that could potentially drive me in the opposite direction of an intended destination – my vision blurs, mouth dries up and my stomach drops to the center of the earth.

To be clear, it’s not only my life’s change that plagues me. But, that what ever happens from this point on will affect you as well.

Putting it off – the crucial decision – prolongs my suffering. And I suffer sweetly, silently and with bravery…

I hope your suffering is not too unkind.

Sweat beads build up around my nose and upper lip, I brave the uncertainty of leaving all things hanging. The suspension; premeditated hesitation let’s me breath in the loss of control. In this moment of limbo, I prepare for failure. I prepare for an unimaginable success. I prepare for the off chance that nothing will change at all.

“What are you thinking now? Have you lost your faith in me? Have I lost your respect? Will I lose things – will I lose?”

And as I stew in the acid burn in my chest, all the while, feeling the gentle motion of unease in my belly – I succome to the nothingness of it all…

Worry breads nothing worth pursuing and hope breads worlds I’ve no wish to lose.

Deep breath – in and out.

The decision is made. Doubt creeps in to second guess my choice. And because I’ve no idea of the implications attached to it – just thoughts and imaginings, no real grasp of the changes – I take the nauseatingly enthusiastic step towards the unknown.

“I’ll to have to answer for this at some point,” I think to myself.

You’ve no confirmation just yet, but I suspect you’re aware of what I’m leaning towards.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow and perhaps in tomorrow’s tomorrow, I’ll have the words to express what’s written in my eyes.

“Forgive me. And thank you.”

When the only choice you have is ‘You don’t have a choice!”

Posted on Updated on

Double the colours - double the blessings
Rainbows and more rainbows

Just when I’m about to give up, my guardian angel sent messages of hope to me.

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

So onward I go.

Never say die

Love and Light give guidance.

IMG_20141118_180554

I know I’m blessed.

Perceptions – Reality ( A pictorial of life’s unanswered questions)

Posted on

Taken Nov, 14 2014
The original shot of a sun setting over the Westdene in Johannesburg. Taken with a Smart Kicker Voda Phone.

When words fail me, when all I have are open questions with infinite answers for me to ponder I turn to images… I turn to nature. I turn to Creation for direction and I turn inwards for confirmation. Like the weather and the seasons, change within is constant. But where am I now? Where will I find an end? Is there an end…? #why

Edited Nov, 14 2014
Painted filter and extras…
To test the perceived beauty of things, the reality of them.
Snowy haze filter and others... The second coming of beauty. Is its beauty real? Is it not natural if it was born in the minds eye?
Snowy haze filter and others…
The second coming of beauty. Is its beauty real? Is it not natural if it was born in the minds eye?
Edited Nov, 14 2014
Warm soft vintage filter and others…
Does the clarity to which we see things make them any less real? Do the hues we see speak less to the spirit if they were not seen by the flesh?

Street art diaries

Posted on Updated on

Found this the other day.

Thought I’d show love and share with everyone.

image

image

image

image

For the love of graffiti.

#DailyPrompt – Life is too short to not explore the layers of love

Posted on Updated on

I’ve always known that I love fiercely.

My most cherished memory of first love is that of my mother. I remember loving her; admiring her sense of dress, her skin, her hair, her laugh, her eyes… I remember wanting to be every bit as strong as she is, as vulnerable as she let herself be around me, and as wise as she continues to be.

But more than that, I wanted to love as much as she did. I wanted to have my own kids so I could love them just as much as I knew my mum loved my big brother and I. I wanted to love myself so much so that I had the strength and pride to raise my kids as a single mother, getting help only from God and Her angels.

And I distinctly remember being 3 years old and loving no other man as much as I loved my brother (My dad would have competed but he never stick around long to be a contender.). I remember one particular moment when my mum asked me, “Who are going to marry when you grow up?” And I said, “I’ll marry my big brother,” (before you start puking, keep in mind that a 3 year old cannot distinguish between romantic and all the other kinds of love that are in existance) and from the moment those words escaped my mouth, I knew that my brother would be my best friend for life.

Even today, there is no man that will ever hold the same esteem my brother holds in my heart.

Falling in love for the first time – with the man who later became the father of my daughter – I learned a different kind of love. One that I’d only ever read about or saw on the TV, or heard my mum conservatively describe to me.

I loved this man. He taught me how to appreciate myself in ways that I’d never even conceived. He made me a mother; giving the gift of love so boundless that the existance of God is something I will never doubt, not even in my darkest day.

And having that love ripped from my grasp showed the other side of love, that of being in love alone… The painful bits of love. The absence of it can easily make one bitter, hateful and unkind. And during our break-up I was all of these things. I longed for justice. I wanted him to feel the same betrayal, the same defeat, the same sense of worthlessness and the same lack of love that grew into a gaping hole of darkness inside me.

And though those things are what I felt, they weren’t what I desired. Even in the anger, I wanted him to be happy. Granted, finding happiness without me in the picture was a bitter pill to swallow, but I still wanted him to carry that magical smile that he captured me with. That smile now lives on my daughters face. It gives me joy, and I could never hate it, not ever.

After the loss of that love, and having to deal with the resurfaced pain of growing up without a father, I thought I’d never love again. And most probably, I will never love another with the same naivety that I loved baby girl’s dad with, but I do know that I have it in me to give myself to someone else.

That being said, that someone else has to have the will and desire to accept me as a I am. With all the many layers of thinking and emotion that constitute me, he ought to accept me. And there would be no fairness in love (not that ever is or was) if I was not willing to the same.

So now I live on a wing and a prayer, hoping to be open of heart and mind to the person who accepts me as me, flaws and all. Praying, still, that I have it in me to do and be the same for them.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Picture taken in 2012 at the Rhodes University Botanical Gardens.

{Picture by: Lithakazi}

Love has so many layers and degrees that I hope to be able to have an understanding of a fraction of these before I die. And if I’m lucky, I’ll reach a full understanding in my next lifetime, because I’ll never stop loving, living and exploring the wondrous magic of loving and being loved (by friends, family and strangers alike).