Sexual attraction: What does it mean?

Posted on February 26, 2014 Updated on February 26, 2014

I’ve often wondered, how many people are open and honest about their sexual fantasies with their partners? And how many get to live those fantasies out? Sexuality, being sexual and actively having sex… Who you do it with, how you do it has always fascinated me. Yes, I’m a 26-year-old female and, yes, I have questions about my sexuality.

Often people think that the teenage years are the years when you get to explore your sexuality… Figure out whether you like guys, girls or both, why you like them and how you’d prefer to show your affection towards them. This may very well be the case for all whose sexual curiousity was somewhat indulged during adolescence. For me, however, (and this purely because I lost my virginity literally three days shy of my 20th) I’m still in the exploring phase of my sexual urges.

From all the porn I’ve seen, which is not that much (and unlike most people, I am not ashamed to admit to watching porn), I’ve noticed that sexual interaction between a man and woman excites me. That makes me heterosexual, right?

But on another level, the whole threesome thing with two girls and guy, or the two guys and girl thing excites me too. Does that mean a certain percentage of my sexuality is lesbian or bisexual?

People’s sexual inclinations and urges are often what they get labelled as; straight, gay, bi… To be clear, I’m focusing solely on the sexual thoughts and manifestations people have, not who they love. I’ve only ever loved men, and have only have had sexual encounters with men. Again, I ask, does than make me straight? I mean, if the thought of engaging in sexual activity with a female does not disgust me, if it lights my fire, am I gay?

I imagine these are the type of questions millions of people ask themselves everyday. But where do the answers come from? How do you know which box to place yourself in? Should there be boxes even? The funny bit is, the more people I speak to, no matter what their sexual orientation, the answers they have are unique to their situation. They know which box to fit themselves in because they know where their comfort zone is.

And what is my comfort zone?

I don’t really know. It’s not like I’ve tried to be with a woman and a guy at the same time. So if my library of experience is lacking can I then make an informed decision? Truthfully, yes and no. Sometimes you don’t need to go through something to know how you feel about it. Just like you don’t need to kill someone to know committing murder is generally not a very nice thing. The more appropriate question then becomes, am I willing to add an experience of that sort to my library?

I haven’t decided yet.

But if the opportunity to have a threesome presented itself to me, would I do it?

I haven’t decided yet.

And that’s the honest truth.

Another way of working out if I’m either purely heterosexual or a bit bisexual, a way which does not involve the over share of potentially deadly bodily fluids, is a sexuality spectrum test. Here’s a link to one such test if you want to either have a laugh or proximate what your sexual orientation is: http://mysexualorientation.com/

This is called a the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI) and it was designed by a Dr. Robert Epstein, “one of America’s most distinguished research psychologists.” Just so we all know how credible the test is (though the internet is not very trustworthy in some or most cases… depending) here’s some info on the doctor who designed this particular test and what its general outcome is:

“Although most people believe that virtually everyone is either “straight” (heterosexual) or “gay” (homosexual), sexual orientation actually exists on a continuum. This test will show you where you are on the Sexual Orientation Continuum, and it will also give you an estimate of how much flexibility you have in expressing your sexual orientation. NEW! As of December 1st, 2012, the test includes a new, more accurate measure of sexual orientation flexibility, as well as a measure of overall sex drive.”

Sounds good?

Ok.

Here are my test results…

In a nutshell… I’m a straight girl with a high libido, who is open to having sex with girls.

Great.